morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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