I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize