After last night, I could never be a politician.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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