Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize