when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All the doctor said was why
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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