If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize