I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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