Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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