I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize