Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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