I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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