so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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