A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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