Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize