his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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