3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize