maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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