Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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