your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize