Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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