Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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