I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize