in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My vagina just clenched in fear
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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