I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize