I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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