is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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