There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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