This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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