he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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