mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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