she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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