Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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