She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize