my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The Olympian is in my bed
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