is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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