I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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