I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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