he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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