we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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