Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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