i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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