i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize