It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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