There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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