If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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