How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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