i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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