i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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