I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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