Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize